


Adrift

by GlassRain



Series: Mothers & Daughters AU [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Bartenders, Domestic Violence, Dysfunctional Relationships, Episode: s03e15 Alone At Sea, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-27 15:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7623865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlassRain/pseuds/GlassRain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU where the Gems are human, and Lapis just left her wife . . . and their daughter. Breaking a toxic pattern is never easy. Angst, dysfunction, and sympathetic bartender Garnet.</p><p>Follows the Malachite chapter in <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/5668108/chapters/13295977">Daughters</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Adrift

"Go play in your room, kiddo," says Jasper, ruffling Mala's hair one more time as they arrive home. "And put on some real clothes! You can't wear your swimsuit to dinner."

"'Kay, Mom," says Malachite, and bounds upstairs. The kid's had another growth spurt this year, but she still takes them on all fours, like she's got feet for hands. Or hands for feet. Whatever.

Once she's out of sight, Jasper can stop fighting back a snarl.

What's wrong with her? Some random swim-team dad, probably weighs less than she does and none of it muscle, grabs her wrist from behind, and she freaks out? That's not going to hurt her! Lapis does that kind of thing _all the time_ , and she's fine.

She's _fine_.

The only reason she keeps flexing her arms and moving her hands around, feeling out her full range of motion, is to keep herself too occupied to punch something. (Again.)

(Lapis would have punched Jasper already if she was here, if she'd seen that hole in the drywall.)

Jasper can't freak out. She can't be weak. She _hates_ to be weak. Her wife is hurting and upset, all the time, and it's only by being strong that Jasper can take some of that pain away. That's what makes them better together.

She pulls out her phone, just to check -- it's been in a pocket this whole time and she hasn't felt the buzz, but maybe, maybe . . . 

No new messages. Just the background photo of the three of them at the Delmarva State Fair last month. A few minutes after it was taken Mala picked a fight with some other kid, and Jasper and Lapis had to drag her aside and tell her that just because her moms had . . . loud disagreements . . . sometimes, that was no reason for her not to behave. But in this moment, this image, they're all smiling. Mala has a mouth full of watermelon and a big lopsided grin, Jasper is showing all kinds of teeth, and even Lapis has that small smile that means she's put her troubles aside. Doesn't it?

Jasper punches some pillows. She's already told her daughter that it's a kind of exercise, and it takes the edge off her stress without breaking anything. Less for Lapis to yell about. The dent in the wall isn't even that big -- she's got it covered with a lopsided painting right now, and she can fix it before Lapis notices, maybe even before Lapis comes back.

Heck, she might even walk in the door in the next ten minutes, which is why Jasper told Mala to change out of the swimsuit.

When ten minutes pass and nothing has changed, Jasper takes out the phone again.

She doesn't know what made Lapis take off. She's already dismissed the thought of another woman -- who else would put up with this? (Because nobody else is strong enough. That's what Jasper means. Obviously.) The point is, whatever it was, they can fix it. If it's some weakness of Jasper's, then Jasper can change it. There's no other option. Malachite needs both of her mothers! Jasper can't raise her alone.

Jasper has a hard time imagining doing _anything_ alone.

The phone offers up Lapis' contact info without even making her scroll for it. Jasper pushes the button, and waits for the call to connect.

 

 

 

"I almost hit my daughter."

Lapis doesn't look up from the death grip she has on her wine cooler. Garnet, who had her pegged the moment she walked up to the bar (and flat-out refused to sell her anything stronger), keeps industriously wiping down a glass that's been sparkling clear for at least five minutes.

"I never should've gotten married," continues Lapis, filling the silence Garnet gives her. "I didn't want to. I _knew_ I didn't want to. But I had just missed out on the Olympics -- and it wasn't because I wasn't good enough! You should have seen my times. I was _magic_ in the water. It was a fractured tibia. One little crack, and all my dreams were gone."

She raises her head a bit, stares morosely at a family at a corner table. Garnet's family, in fact, though Lapis doesn't know it. One of the parents and two of the kids.

"And then Jasper was there. Proposing. Aggressively proposing. And I wasn't in love with her, but I was angry, and hurt, and I thought, why not? Let's both stay trapped in this miserable town forever."

Garnet raises one eyebrow an impeccable quarter-inch. "Aggressively?"

"It's kind of the only setting she has," says Lapis with a shrug. "I got a voicemail from her -- maybe more since then, I don't know, I threw my phone in the bay afterward -- pleading with me to come back, and she even does _that_ aggressively. Telling me she's strong, so it's okay, she can take it when I hit her."

She squeezes her eyes shut, voice dropping almost to a whisper:

"She doesn't know I almost hit Mala."

"Your daughter," guesses Garnet.

Lapis nods. "The one good thing I did in that whole disaster of a marriage. She's the greatest kid. Smart. Brave. Can destroy a watermelon in five minutes -- she got that from Jasper -- and practically flies in the water. That's from me."

In a gulp she drains the rest of her drink.

"I should've been proud. Instead -- instead, I --"

She chokes up, staring at the family table again. Steven is trying to teach Sugilite how to solve the maze on the back of the kids' menu. Grandma Sapphire is trying to teach Sugi not to eat the crayons.

"I got jealous," says Lapis, thick and wet with misery, "and I got mad all over again about everything I'd lost, but it was okay because I was only taking it out on Jasper, right? And Jasper never stopped yelling at me, so that meant she was fine. Besides, she was the one who wanted to get married and have a baby in the first place. Practically brought it on herself. That's what I told myself."

"And now?"

Lapis buries her head in her hands.

"Let me guess," says Garnet, calm and matter-of-fact. "You know you can't keep being that person. But you don't know how to stop. Not yet. The best thing you know how to do is get away."

All she gets in answer is a sniffle, but it's an affirmative sort of sniffle.

At last Garnet puts the well-scrubbed glass back on its shelf. "It's a first step," she says, reaching without looking for one of the many fliers she always keeps under the bar. "That's important. Nobody can know every twist and turn of a journey before it starts, and some people use that as an excuse never to take the risk at all. But you took it. Whatever the next step is, it can happen now, because you took the first. And just because you can't already see the rest of the way through, that doesn't mean it isn't there."


End file.
